Yum yum time! Homemade chop suey!

I love! Chinese food. I don’t try to replicate many of the recipes but I have done a decent job of sweet and sour pork, broccoli beef and chop suey.

Chop suey is good for you AND super easy and quick to make. So I thought I would share my recipe.

You can easily tweak this to include chicken or pork for a complete meal in a pan! I hope you enjoy it and make it our own!

Ingredients

1 onions

2 stalks of celery

4 baby bok Choy

1 bag of bean sprouts

2-3 cups of chicken stock

Corn starch

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Slice onion and celery and sauté until just soft.

2. Add stock. This will steam the veggies as well as make the sauce. If you like a lot of sauce add more stock.

Season at this point as well.

3. Bring stock to a simmer while you finely chop the bok choy. Adding the stalks is fine just cut it thinly.

4. Layer the bean sprouts and then the bok choy on top of the onions and celery. Try to spread them out evenly over the whole pan. This lets it cook more evenly.

5. While the veggies on top are steaming ( 5 mins or so) mix up a cornstarch slurry.

To do this mix 1/4 cup COLD water and 3-5 TBSP of cornstarch.

This part depends on you. If you like thick sauce, or you have a lot of stock, add more cornstarch.

6. Make a hole in the middle of the veggies so there is a open pool of stock. ( you might need to add more stock) Pour the slurry into the stock, wait for it to thicken and then stir into the rest of the pan and the veggies.

NOTE: the sauces thickness and quantity is totally up to you. More corn starch = thicker More stock= more sauce, I used 3-4 cups of stock and 5 TBSP of cornstarch. Mix cornstarch with cold water to keep it from making lumps.

Let kids be kids

Many of you who know me ( or have read any precious posts) I have mental health issues. And the worst they get the more controlling I become. Mainly because my anxiety gets really bad when I’m having an episode.

HOWEVER

I think the urge to control our kids and their behaviours is pretty universal with most parents.

I’ve learned to be chill about somethings.

Like trusting the kids to play in the yard with out constant supervision. ( although I always manage to catch them doing something they shouldn’t, which they find baffling lol)

I also don’t run to save them everything they get stuck in something ( usually something they shouldn’t have been near in the first place)

Or bath time, I don’t fuss about how well they wash, I just let them give it s try. ( there is an inspection at the end lol)

However I HATE HATE HATE! messes!

I’m super careful about what toys the kids have.

140 pieces? No way ,pick a different gift! I really don’t care how educational it is. If I’m going to step on it or try to find the one missing piece them it’s a NO!

Toys outside of the playroom! So annoying, toys on the floor in the playroom, so untidy! Mud and rain! No no no! Kids in my space, GET OUT! ( ok I feel anxious not just thinking about all that stress and controlling)

Seriously, part of being a good parent is remaining sane! BUT part of bringing up healthy and happy kids is letting them act like kids.

I remember so many good times getting messy!

My sister and I used to make slush soup all the time! This involved a large oil bucket salvaged from my dad, a little metal shovel I got as a kid, snow and water. Honestly we did that for hours. Stirring and pretending all sorts of things!

Or fencing practice on the hay wagon. With broom sticks, ouch! My knuckles still hurt!

Hay forts in the barn.

Construction of roads and quarries with the Tonka’s

But my fav! Barbie pools in made in the driveway pot holes. And my mom didn’t yell at us every time we turned the hose on without asking.

My kids love all those sorts of activities too! And you just need to watch your newsfeed to see what phycologist are saying about messy play.

But I hate messes! So it goes against my nature to be ok with that! However o we these past few months I’ve been practicing my deep breathing.

Now that I’m over my latest bipolar episode I have time to look around again. And I’m noticing all the things I’ve worried about that really aren’t a big deal.

Like my kids getting dirty in the sandbox.

Or climbing trees.

Or playing with large sticks and bricks.

Remembering my own happy childhood ( happy not perfect) has helped realign my focus on what important.

We did not spend a ton of time inside as kids. And my parents also let us spend most of our indoor time hanging out around them.

So yes, there are guild lines about not dumping mud on H’s head, or filling your boots with muck, or climbing the neighbours trees. But in general I’m reminded that kids need to be kids, and really they have way more fun if we aren’t interfering with excess rules and guild lines. They need time to exercise their minds, work out problems with each other and execute grand plans.

So I’m working on my anxiety, practicing taking a step back and just letting it be.

Things you learn as a parent.

But the fruit of the spirit is, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law.

Gal 22:23

Love is patient , love is kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, it is not proud. Love is not rude or selfish, it does not get upset with others. Love doesn’t hold a grudge. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, hopes and endures.

Some people may not realize that Scott and I have chosen not to spank our children, or take a punitive discipline approach with them.

Many may wonder, how can you expect your child to learn anything without punishing them?

I wondered myself.

When I first realized there was a need for me to change my parenting strategy I had no idea what else I might do. I was raised in a family that used punitive discipline methods.

( my parents are loving wonderful people I respect greatly. They, especially my mother, have gotten me through numerous difficult times with my mental health and they are still my life line to this day.)

Everyone else I knew parented the same way. So I prayed and searched the Internet and the Lord showed me “ Gentle Parenting”

Please do not imagine a happy gently spoken perfectly calm parent who, somehow, manages to never be unkind. Also don’t imagine children who do as they please and their parents don’t correct them.

Gentle parenting has been as much about, reparenting myself as it is about change how I disciplined my kids.

When Baron my oldest was a toddler I parented from a place of control. I had read some very damaging advice that said “ you must win every time and win decisively” so I set about breaking the spirit of my 2 year old and making sure he knew who was the boss at all times. There was no compassion or understanding for my child, only punishment and consequences. The result was a very angry little boy who threw most amazing temper tantrums.

I’m delighted to report that since I stopped ( mostly, because I’m human and I make mistakes ☹️) spanking the kids, their behaviour is no worse then it was before. Lol

The Bible has so much to say about, love, compassion, mercy and grace, yet many Christians seem to treat their children in the opposite way.

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

Ps 103:13

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Matt 7:12

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Clos 3:12-14

They say, charity begins at home. If we are to treat strangers in this manner, how much more our own children.

Gentle parenting changed my focus from controlling my children at all times, to letting go of that control. It isn’t my goal anymore. I cannot control my children any way. And I was really angry and stressed out trying to. Instead my focus has shifted to leading by example and treating my children with the same courtesy and respect I would an adult.

Consequences are still there, but are either natural or logical.

Example: imposed consequences “ you hit your bother, you have to clean your room” ( one has nothing to do with the other)

Natural consequences “ you hit your brother, he no longer wants to be around you”

Logical consequences “ you hit your brother, I am going to remove you from the room so you can calm down”

Teaching has become my focus rather then compliance. And because I want my kids to follow my example, there is a higher standard I must apply to myself. Which is extremely humbling I can tell you.

I grew up with the impression, you have a bad temper and you can’t do anything about it.

Or being wrong is undesirable so you should never apologize. ( my parents encourage me to apologize but I drew the above conclusion) Or, might is right.

Needless to say that all needed to change. I’ve become an old hand at apologizing to my children, and in to process I’ve showed them how to do it too. I’ve had to learn to control my temper and it’s given me the chance to show the kids some coping skills. I’ve also come to see that my kids are not robots and they have feelings and opinions too.

I was used to the thought that kids feelings didn’t matter, you were just supposed to obey.

But aren’t you? The bible says “ Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.” Eph 6:1

Yes, it does say that, but something most people miss is who the command is directed at…Children, this is not the parents responsibility. It’s directed to Christian children, no where does it say the parent should force the child to obey.

That is not to say I allow my children to do as they please. I am the grown up, I have their best interest in my heart and I do set the best example I can. Children do well with limits, and sometimes you do have to do things you don’t want to.

Like going to the doctor. But the way you approach it can make a world of difference ( not that you can control your child’s reaction to going)

Example “ we are going to the doctor, deal with it. It’s no big deal stop whining”

Vs “ we do have to see the doctor. I understand you don’t want to go, it’s ok to be nervous. Remember I’m here to help you.”

Same outcome, just a much more thoughtful and gentle approach.

Now we can continue on that vein, the child decides not to co- operate. Instead of yelling and threatening you proceed in the same calm but firm manner. “ are you going to put on your shoes or will I? Ok I will. Can you get in the car or do you need help? Ok, I will help you get into the car. I’m sorry your having such a hard time with going. Do you want to tell me what’s going on.?” Still the same out come, but approached with respect. No yelling, or unkindness, no threats needed. Isn’t amazing how perfectly one can parent on paper lol.

And there are lots of times when your children’s wishes can be respected. You don’t want to go shopping, sure stay home with dad. You don’t like plaid? Ok no more plaid shirts for you. You want to play with LOL dolls but you’re a boy? Sure! All of these are examples that I want to impose my will on them, but why bother? They have their own likes and dislikes, why not show them the same respect we expect from them?

I want to be clear, these are the ideal examples and outcomes. The reality is much more human. But making your goals a respectful and gentle demeanour, goes along way to establishing a relationship with your children that will last. Who do you go to for advice? The person who makes fun of you, brushes your feelings aside or yells at you for your mistakes? Or the person who listens, doesn’t judge and offers useful options that will help for the next time. A phrase I often use is “ what can we do differently next time?” This gives them the chance to think about it themselves, and if they can’t come up with an answer I offer a suggestion.

Parenting is a long game, your children are changing and growing some much in the first 18 years. Their brain isn’t even fully formed until their late teens or early 20’s. That’s why teens do things that make the rest of us scratch our heads. Small children may understand our words, but they lack the impulse control to obey 100% of the time. And frankly who wants to be told what to do all the time anyway. I found doing some reading on children’s normal development helped me have more realistic expectations for my kids. And that relieved a lot of stress because I knew their behaviour was perfectly normal.

Overall I have found a massive change in my own behaviour and outlook. Gentle parenting continues to change and grow me as a person as much or more as it affects my children. Honestly it’s exhausting at times because I’m still working on my own undesirable behaviours as well as trying to keep ahead of three kids.

It reminds me of an old song “there really ought to be a sign upon my heart, don’t judge me yet there’s an unfinished part. But I’ll be perfect just according to his plan, fashioned by the masters loving hand. he’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and starts, the sun and the earth, Jupiter and mars. How loving and patience he must be, he’s still working on me”

Breanna’s diaversary

It’s so hard to believe this time last year we were struggling with Breanna’s brand new diagnoses of type one Diabetes.

She wasn’t even three yet! It was so terrible and terrifying to hear and then learn to deal with! Thankfully she is a very resilient child. She takes all the poking and prodding in stride, for the most part.

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Its rough seeing her little body bearing the makes of her illness. Sticky spot where adhesive is still lingering. Little red spots all over her arms and legs where her pump has been. and the constant beeping and screeching of her dexcom.

With it being winter she has been finding her skin is dry and causing her Dex and Pod to be itchy. Lately she has been itching so much that she has ripped a few of her Pods off. Which has caused some scary high blood episodes.

When Breanna is high she feel aweful. It can cause her to be sick to her stomach, her blood literally turns to syrup, and she pees like mad. This sucks when she is trying to sleep and she keeps peeing herself. Then she wakes up crying because she feels very tried and awful. It makes me so sad to see here laying there crying and moaning in a puddle of her own pee. It just isn’t nice.

Breanna doesn’t really feel her low blood sugar, which is a bit dangerous for her because she appears fine even when she isn’t. The only sign is she gets hungry. Thankfully her dexcom alerts us and she can take care of her. It can be hard to get an active three year old to stop and wait for her blood to come back up.

But while this last year has been a steep learning curve, we are so very grateful to have Breanna with us. Many people don’t realize she can die from this, and it can happen very quickly. Every week I see sad posts about adults who have passed from complications of this disease. Its scary, but I don’t focus on that.

Breanna is clever and healthy over all. She is growing well and her brain is always looking for new things to do. She is a mama’s girl, and loves to cuddle. She likes cooking with me, and will carefully stir the pan for the longest time while asking about what I am doing.  She loves people and animals. She has decided she wants to be a doctor and I  believe she would do a wonderful job because she is so careing. Whatever her future I think the most important thing for her is to try and make her life as normal as possible.

There is a balance between too careful and winging it.

Breanna’s body doesn’t produce insulin anymore. So no matter what she eats she will need insulin. For the most part she eats whatever we are eating and we don’t withhold high carb options. BUT….if she is high then its prudent to wait. And its a good time to show her how to keep herself healthy. Explaining to her what food and activity does to her blood is a good way to help her understand her illness and what is good for her.

On her diaversary we had pizza and cupcakes to  celebrate having her with us, healthy and strong. What we didn’t know was that she had pulled the canula of her insulin pod out of her body. So she didn’t get any insulin for all those carbs. She had a terrible night, but those are the consequences for her. We took the opportunity to make the connection between her action and the way her body was feeling, without shaming her. Its simply a matter of fact, without insulin your body feels disgusting. Some times natural consequences can teach her better then we ever can.

Over all her diabetes has come under control because of her insulin pump. But its still a lot of work. Almost every week their are adjustments to be made. So many factors affect your blood sugar, such as your activity levels, illness, growth, sleep, even the weather. But the result is worth it!

Going forward into year two we can only put our best foot forward and concentrate on having her thrive despite her illness. Really it becomes such a part of your life that it almost blends in , until it doesn’t.

Here is to Breanna! Praying that every year she grows and thrives with her own unique personality. That she continues to be strong and healthy, that God will bless her and make her a blessing to others.

 

 

The winter blues (kids version)

 

Its winter here in the great frozen North. 

nvmd

It’s been one of those winters where its sunny and lovely but as soon as you step outside your nose freezes off. Or, just for fun, its looks nasty and cold, but you discover at supper time its actually really warm out. Sigh

With Baron in school Breanna is bored out of her mind. I try to keep her busy, we go to play group and she and Harrison go to daycare on Wednesday. But still, here we are at the first of March and the house isn’t a pleasant place most days.

Breanna is a ” sensory seeker”, which means she looks for physical input. She likes to be squished, she loves hard work and needs a lot of outlets for her energy. She loves being cuddled.

Unfortunately for both of us, I dislike cuddling, even with my precious children.  So due to her boredom, I’m completely touched out.

All of the kids are suffering from the winter blues. They can’t be within ten feet of each other without fighting. And the whining! So annoying! he touched me, she said a bad word, she looked sideways at a toy I once touched so now its mine! and on and on it goes.

Over the years I’ve developed a little trick that SOMETIMES helps when everyone is under the cloud of winter blues.

If your stuck in a nasty cycle of grumpiness a change of environment can be a BIG help.

In my case I don’t have a car, and our town is less then 1000 people, so other then playgroup on Monday I don’t get out much.  But here are some tips for any parent, whether your stuck in your house or not.

  1. Get a change of scenery.

For us a walk to the post office offers a chance to climb on high cement walls, balance on the curb, climb on railings and press buttons to open doors. The fresh air does us all good. We also have a nice board walk we enjoy when its clear of snow.

2. Get a change of activity

Often when Breanna is bored she gets very destructive. She pushes, throws and yells. She will drop her brothers just to get a reaction. I try to find her an outlet for these emotions. Something that works really well for her is jumping on couch cushions.

In fact she is getting a crash pad for her birthday to help with this need for input.

3. A little Quiet time.

Another good way to change the atmosphere is to institute a quite activity. Slime and playdoh are favorites here, and all the children will play happily with it for quite some time. I don’t use this as often as I could because they can be quite messy, but the kids love it. Another good quite time is always reading or coloring.

  • here is the slime recipe I use. if you want slime that is really stretchy use a bit less borax. The more you use the firmer the slime will be.
  • I also have a great recipe for homemade play doh the playgroup director gave me. I will include it at the bottom of the page.

4. Make it a game!

I’ve noticed humor and a fun loving spirit can go a long way. Honestly, I get stuck into this attitude of ” keep them in line no matter what!” which means when the kids are having a hard time and being a bit sassy, my response tends to be a firm reply about what is and isn’t ok.

I totally believe in boundaries, and having someone spit at you or speak rudely isn’t ok. It IS important to correct your kids when they are behaving rudely. BUT!!!! There is a place for grace.

So SOMETIMES, when the atmosphere in the home in tense and I’ve been doing a lot of correcting, I switch it up. So if Breanna is sticking out her tongue at me, I do the same back. And she laughs and then I give her a hug. That softens the tone for both of us and then I can correct her because she is feeling connected to me rather then in opposition. Frankly I could use this approach a lot more often.

5. Cookies!

Lastly, who doesn’t love baking cookies. This isn’t something we do very much around here, but my kids all love to cook. So if you all really need a fun break, whip up a yummy treat! But be at peace with the slower pace and the mess before you begin so you don’t tense up and ruin the experience. Its also really helpful, if you are baking with more then one kid, to lay out the ground rules ahead of time. things like, taking turns, and no one touches the mixer.

Winter can be a lot of fun for some people, but in our house it makes our life seem like a prison. So these tricks have become really important to keep the house pleasant and let the kids get their brains engaged. Boredom is a big problem so offering activites when the kids are clearly struggling is really helpful.

What are some boredom busting tricks that work for your family?

 

No Bake Playdoh

First Bowl

2 cups of flour

2 tbsp of cream of tarter

Second Bowl

1/2 cup of salt

2 cups boiling water

1 tbsp of oil

1 package of kool-aid or a few drops of food coloring

 

mix contents of each bowl, then mix together. Knead with your hands until soft. you may need to add more flour until it no longer feels sticky. Be careful, its HOT!

 

 

Traditions

Over the last several months ( read years 😳) I’ve been working on a hand made quilt for my daughter Breanna. I have made one for each of my children at their birth and at their 2 nd birthday for their big kid beds. ( Breanna is 3.5, oops ) now I HATE quilting. And I ask myself every time, “why am I doing this?”. There is only one reason, my mom and grandma did it for me. I cherish my homemade quilts and I have fond memories attached to them.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the things we pass on to our children. Traditions that we cherish we are careful and intentional about passing them on. But I’ve also noticed we pass on things we don’t plan to. Why aren’t we as intentional about those things?

Breanna and I cook together, I explain why we are doing this and that. She stirs or puts things in the pot. Baron reads with his father and I, we work on letter sounds and spelling. Harrison loves to read as well, or try putting legos together. We read about the birth of Christ coming into the holiday season. Breanna and Baron want to learn to knit, which I learned but my grandmothers. All of these skills we intentionally pass as. As well as teaching them to take turns, to comfort someone who is hurt, respectful words. What to do when your angry, and how to apologize.

In fact I apologize to my children frequently, and I ask forgiveness. More importantly I let them know my future intentions to improve upon myself.

I’ve heard a three year old (mine) say “ get out of the way you friggen idiot” along with other less then polite words and phrases. But these things seem, to be laughed off with a shrug and “ oops but it sure was funny”. It’s really not funny, be we laugh it off in an effort to excuse ourselves.

Several verses come to mind as I contemplate these slip ups.

2 tim 3:14-15

But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou

hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is grown he will not depart from it.

1 Peter 1:16

But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;

Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

Clearly we are expected not only to teach our children how to behave, but also to set a godly example.

So if things are popping up in our children’s behaviour it is likely they learned it from us. Ouch!

Training up a child takes time! Harrison is currently 20 months. He glowers, shrieks, hits and throws. It’s over whelming to try and keep ahead of him. But consistency is key at this age, really any age. My response to his behaviour will affect what he learns. So I’m using gentle hands ( most of the time) to redirect him. I stand up for him, I show him how to be gentle. Of course I don’t see much progress at this age because he has limited ( or no) impulse control. But I do see him copying us. He closes his eyes to pray, he pets the dog nicely, he comforts when someone is hurt. While Harrison is still learning I see light ahead in Baron. Baron is just five, he knows his manners, he offers to help without prompting, he can an share or wait his turn. Yes there are still things we are working on, but he is over all a well mannered and kind boy. He loves to read bible stories and says thoughtful prayers. Breanna is somewhere in the middle lol

It’s really quite staggering the responsibility that is placed upon mothers, and parents in general. I guess about 80% of what my kids learn before school comes from me. And after schools starts they still look to their parents for guidance and life skills. We don’t have time to put off self improvement or correction.

The devil wants us to be busy and tired so these things get put on the back burner. And all of those reasons are legitimate, we are tired and busy, but we cannot be lazy.

So this holiday season, while you are teaching your kids to wrap presents, bake cookies and sing carols, take a moment to think about what not to teach them. Do you need to clean up your language? Are you short on kindness, grace and mercy. When was the last time you read with them or prayed?

Start 2018 with your best foot forward and remember to be intentional in all areas of your life.

Breanna ( her story including T1D)

Nov is diabetes awareness month. So I want to talk to you about my daughter Breanna. Many of you know she has T1D ( type one diabetes) But that isn’t who she is. I see a lot of people on the internet referred to their children as “ my T1D”, no offence to them but when it comes to my daughter I never want her to be preceded by a label. So I want you to get to know my girl.


If you see her a church you may believe she is shy and wild at the same time.

If you meet her a play group you may believe she doesn’t talk or have any self confidence.

If you meet her in the mall you may believe her ears are broken.

But I know who she is.


Breanna is my second child. I was delighted to find out she was a girl. Her entrance into the world was tumultuous, her first year was rough, her second year was rough, and her third year….also rough.

To my shame I let her birth and first year tarnish my relationship with her. In my head she became the “problem” child. She was demanding, loud, cried A LOT, and as soon as my PPD ended she got sick, a year later she she got sick again. And this time it isn’t going to get better. BUT those things are NOT who my daughter is.

Breanna is an honoured child. She carries the names of some very dear women in my life. I hope and pray she learns from those Godly examples. She has enough personality to carry each name with confidence.

Breanna is wild and crazy. She loves to mother, and boss. She has dance inside her, she loves to be cuddled, and hugged. She oozes sunshine when she’s happy and thunderstorms when she’s not. And she lets you know, she shakes her little finger and tells you how it WILL be. She’s an amazing hugger, she wraps her whole self around you and holds you so tight it seems like you will melt together. And she forgives so quickly and easily. And she has a lot to forgive at times.

All my children are wonderful. But this girl has taken on so much in 3 short years. She gets at least two finger pokes a day. We change her pump site every three days and her dexcom every seven. But this stuff doesn’t get to her. She doesn’t even blink, she doesn’t complain. It breaks my heart to see the all the technology attached to her, but she isn’t the least bit bothered by it.

I hope as she goes on in life T1D is always the last thing to come to mind. I want her determination and spunk to propel her through life without anything to drag her down.

So keep in mind anytime you see a child with a disability of any kind, that’s not who they are to their mother, and that isn’t who they should be to you.

When Breanna first got sick we were suspicious, she was drinking sooooo much and peeing everywhere. It literally just fell out of her, sometimes she didn’t even notice. And she had been potty trained for a year so this was odd. We all knew something wasn’t right because my mom is a nurse. We were educated to the symptoms over the course of our childhood as well as many other illnesses. We took her to the doctor and sure enough she was diagnosed with diabetes. Thankfully she wasn’t super sick because we caught it so soon. praise God!

This is now my daughters life, she cannot be cured with diet or exercise. What she has is an incurable disease, her own body is killing off things she needs. She will be insulin dependant all her life. She can die from it. If her blood is too low, coma and death, if her blood is too high for extended periods of time she can have organ damage. My husband is up countless hours over the nights giving her juice, during the day I’m chasing her with insulin and trying to figure out how many smarties she just snuck. Beause now her blood is skyrocketing and that makes her tummy hurt and causes her to have accidents. It’s exhausting for everyone, but she’s alive! And God willing we will keep her that way. 
Here are the signs and symptoms for your education, share this with your family and friends. 

The summer is gone.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I shared with you all my mental health struggles over the last 6 month or so. I’m happy to report I’m feeling back to my old self again!

I have joy in my heart, I’m repairing relationships. I’m making new friends, I have the energy to invest in my kids, household and husband.

Only those of you who have experienced depression know how relieving it is when you are healed.

I feel bad for my hubby because now I’m back to being motivated and goal oriented and that usually means changes lol

My therapist rightly cautioned me about over doing it, so I’m trying to prioritize.

Housekeeping is on the list ( I hate house keeping, I want to crochet not clean) as is bible study for myself and the family.

I was raised in a home where we read the bible as a family every day. I want to raise my children intentionally as well. But for some reason this is proven difficult to implement ( chalk one up to satan)

My oldest has started school , so far so good. Our home life looks different without him with us but we are adapting.

My daughter has gotten her insulin pump and we are working with the IWK on getting that figured out. I think I’ll do a separate post on that soon.

We are preparing to move into a season or renovations to the new house, so I’m sure that will bring challenges as well.

However I am so happy to be moving forward, no longer mired in despair or pain. The Lord is good all the time. ❤️

Fill my cup

Soooo, I’ve been sitting on some pretty disastrous feelings. If any of you know me personally you know I have mental health “ issues”. You also know life has been extra stressful lately. I’ve been feeling like writing some scary stuff about my feelings. I’ve lost my joy, I have heart attack anxiety, my mind is sucked down by obsessive thoughts, in general I have been completely betrayed by my mind. 😡

The thing is, I’ve been here before, and I’ll be here again. It really sucks and I’m just barely functioning.

However I don’t really want to dwell on all the dark stuff that lives in my head, sufficed to say, I’ve been going through some stuff.

So I’ve been getting help. Some therapy and some me time really helps. I’m pretty isolated with three kids, four and under, no car, no friends close by. So it’s a big deal to have alone time.

Because I’ve been doing the minimum with everything, my devotions have suffered. I’m down to the one verse and one paragraph blurb. And I’ve been wondering why I can’t pray. ( part of it is mental exhaustion, I literally can’t remember what I want to pray about and my brain changes thoughts mid sentence) However, the devotional I’m doing, brought up how important it is as Christians to fill up our tanks on Christ. It was like a light bulb went off! This literally hadn’t occurred to me…win for the enemy…I’ve been trying to fill my tank on me time, but it lacks some staying power. The devotional used these two examples from Gods word.

Act 6:2-4

So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of Godin order to wait on tables. 3 Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4 and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.”

Luke 5:15&16

15 Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. 16 But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

In both examples the person(s) in question set aside time from their other important tasks to focused on reading and praying. Even our Lord needed this down time so he was able to give his best to those who desperately needed him. I have always been strongly convicted that my children are my sacred charge from the Lord. I fail them so badly when I get in a place like this. On my own steam I feel better for a few days and then I go back under. It’s like swimming for a long time, you get tired, you go under, someone rescues you, you rest, you swim for a long time, you go under…ect. But if you break that cycle with a life preserver you will stay on top until something knocks you off. Let’s face it, the devil LOVES knocking us off the life raft. And honestly I’ve yet to meet a Christian who has mastered staying on the raft 100% of the time.

As a Christian I really believe we can activate the power of God in us to rescue us and keep us safe. The bible tells us to “ resist the devil and he will flee from you” But it’s mighty hard to do that if your connection with Christ is lacking. But how awesome is it that Christ threw me a life line anyways, using what little reading I am doing, to show me the way. I know because of my weaknesses, I’ll be back here again, but I have always been rescued by my Lord. Literally every time I’ve had a turning point, it’s been God. I remember these moments vividly. One that sticks with me is “ the rock won’t move. There is nothing wrong with the rock.” This was after Lil B was born, I felt like I was drowning, I was reaching out for something to save me and there it was,” the rock that is higher then I” , I fastened my anchor to the rock that cannot move.

This time it’s been these lines from some old songs. “ Lord I need you again today” and “ fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord. Come and quench the thirsting of my soul”

I’m not saying I will be miraculously healed tomorrow, although that is TOTALLY possible. But I have some measure of hope, and that is the healing ingredient. I will end with the lyrics of these lovely old hymns.

Lord I need you again today

(lyrics are written by Words and Music by Jean Bradford)

Jesus came to die on dark Calvary,

to save lost sinners like you and me;

When I stop to think what He’s done for me,

How can I not give Him my all.

There is always something that I can do,

To witness for the Lord, and that heavenly view;

He has promised to guide me all the journey through,

How can I not serve the Lord?

Chorus:

But I don’t tell it enough, I don’t pray enough,

I don’t love my neighbor as I should, enough;

If I try to make it by myself I say, Lord, I need you again today.

Fill my cup Lord.

Fill my cup Lord 

I lift it up Lord

Come and quench this thirsting of my soul

Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.

Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

There are millions in this world who are seeking

For pleasures earthly goods afford

But none can match the wonderful treasure

That I find in Jesus Christ my Lord

So my brother if the things that this world gives you

Leaves hungers that won’t pass away

My blessed lord will come and save you

If you kneel to him and humbly pray

 

 

 

Cauliflower bake! Yum yum! 


I hadn’t eaten cauliflower in years! My memories were of woody, and soggy frozen cauliflower. Never enough seasoning, always a bit too cold to be warm. Just yucky!

However, when we started cutting out ” whites”, like white sugar, white bread, white potatoes and white rice, I discovered people were raving about cauliflower. Against my better judgement I tried a recipe with my family. I figured bacon and cheese would make anything taste good. 

It was awesome! And my husband loved it too. Now the kids…it’s hit and miss, mainly because they are kids. Sometimes the gobble salads, sometimes they will only eat cereal. So their opinion doesn’t really count. 😉

So I wanted to share this recipe with you. It’s a staple here in my house and always a crowd pleaser! It’s easy to make, easy to increase and easy to change to your tastes. 

So, because we try to stay away from whites, I do make the sauce a bit differently then stated in the recipe. 

The cheese sauce calls for flour to thicken the milk and then add the various cheeses. 

Instead I do the following. 

  1. Heat small to med sized pan on low. Add butter and garlic and cook( the more the better lol)
  2. While garlic is browning cut up cream cheese into chunks. If you are increasing the recipe you might want to use a block and a half of cream cheese.
  3. When garlic is browned add just enough chicken stalk or milk to cover the bottom of the pan.  Then add the cream cheese 
  4. Stir the cream cheese untill it softens. Very gradually add more liquid untill the sauce is the consistency you like. I like it right about the middle. 
  5. Make sure the sauce has a good flavour, add salt, pepper and more garlic to taste. 
  6. Optional, add the cheddar cheese and stir untill incorporated. Personally I like to sprinkle the cheese onto. 
  7. Pour sauce over the cauliflower, I like to stir the cauliflower around so it’s well covered. But be carful, it you cauliflower is overcooked at all this will cause it to break up. 

                           Thanks so much to delish.com! Because this really is Delish!

                                                Click the picture below for the full recipe! 

Disclaimer: this picture belongs with the original webpage and recipe. I have no claim on this recipe!